I feel like I haven’t written anything in a long time. I could say that the reason is because I have nothing to say, or that I have just been experiencing too much life that I haven’t gotten a chance to sit and write. I could say both of those things, but both of those things would be a lie. The truth is that I have been living inside of my own head for a few months and I am just now slowing transitioning back into the real world. I have been in recovery. Recovery from what? Chile, I’ve been in recovery from myself. In recovery from my own demons that happen to creep up and consume from time to time.
I wish I could sit here and write that I am fully recovered and that I am feeling 100% better and that I am ready to take on the world as it comes, but that would be another lie. The truth is, I feel like I am a bystander in my own life and I am watching as it passes me by. I see no growth or improvements, but then again I am living inside my own head. Living in my head is like living in a box. A box that’s just short enough that you can see over the edge and peep what’s going on around you, but too tall to actually get out. It’s like trying to climb a tall building with no ladder or dig a hole with no shovel. This year alone, I have accomplished major life milestones, but I have yet to be truly proud of myself. I am never satisfied, so I always want bigger and better. I have to learn to be content with the life I have, if I want to be happy with the life I live. All of this probably won’t make any sense, but then again, I’m just writing.
You know when you’re just getting over the flu and, although you’re better you still have slight symptoms of your illness…that’s what this feels like. It feels like I’ve taken all the medicine I could possibly take, but I still have that nagging cough that comes out of nowhere. I am learning to replace my anxiety with optimism and hope. Let’s see how this goes.
Okay, I’ve written way too many similes and have made way too many analogies, but this is straight from my head to my keyboard. I’m just writing.